Independence day

Independence day has always had a special meaning to me.  Aside from it being our nations birthday, about 9 years ago it also meant the start of a new me.  My life changed dramatically when I ended my relationship with my college boyfriend.  At that point in my life, it was the hardest thing that I had ever done but with the help of good friends I came out of it virtually unscathed.  I was just telling P last night that I like who I was after the break-up so much better than who I was before.  Essentially I was still the same person but my outlook was changed.

One year ago, P and I spent the holiday with a picnic the day before with Eric and Lev and then a BBQ at my place.  So much has changed in one year.  I’d day that in many ways I can’t be that independent when I have a little one so dependent on me.  But in a sense I am more independent too.  I think mommyhood has made me a bit mroe trusting my my instinct.  I still ask my mommy friends tons of questions and for their advice on things but overall moms trust their gut instincts when it comes to their little ones.

So I can’t just disappear for hours and do my own thing right now but independence has taken on a new meaning for me.  I’m starting to feel more secure in my abilities to care for K and to recognize what it is that she needs.  Yes, just as we are getting the hang of things, its time for me to return to work.  Ugh!