All the moms that I know have done it and I know that it will get easier with time but returning to work is going to be harder than I thought. I remember the first few weeks of mommyhood and how I longed to feel “normal” again and to be back at work. Anything to save me from the vicisou cycle of feeding and tending to a newborn. But now the time has come and it makes me so sad to think of not being with K during the day.
Like P says, its not that I won’t still see her. I’ll see her every night but it won’t be the same. I’m anticipating our days being more frantic rushing around trying to get every thing done. I don’t know how we will manage to get dinner ready, the baby fed, changed and bathed as well as trying to fit in running and other must dos. AH!
I know what I’ll miss the most are our mornings together. She’s usually in a really good mood and we talk and play as I get her ready and changed. We’re in no hurry so I can take my time and just look at her and play with her. I’ll probably be a crazy chipmunk in the mornings trying to get showered, dressed, pump and getting K ready for daycare. P will drop her off and I’ll pick her up.
I’m afraid that I will become an emotional wreck, crying and blubbering at the drop of a hat. Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to stay home full time with K either. I’m just going to miss her and our time together. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that I think someone else should take care of the baby the firt 6 weeks, the hardest time, and maternity leave should start after that.
In a perfect world I could strap K into her baby Bjorn, aka the momma kangeroo pouch, and go o work with her by my side. She would sit like a perfect angel in my cube and play while I worked and got stuff done. Or in an even more perfect world, I’d own my bakery where I go a few times a week and if course I’d bring K with me at times. And sice I’m dreaming, let’s go all the way….. I’d be a rock star and baby K would travel with me. Ok back to reality. I work full time at a job that I love, with people that I like. My job is fairly flexible and I can work from home from time to time or when lil K is sick. not such a bad situation.
I am fully expecting tears on Monday morning when I leave for work. Thank goodness my mom is watching her for a while and she’s not going to daycare right away or else I’d be a nervous wreck.
I just looked over at K who is sitting up, propped up by two pillows. She’s just discovered how much fun it is to suck on her hands and most of the time she’s trying to shove her entire fist into her mouth. Ahh, such an overachiever already. Hmmm, perhaps leaving her during the day will make me love her even more and give me back some of my sanity. Uhmm, now she has kicked herself out of her pillows and is pissed off. Yes some time away might not be such a bad thing after all.
I have just one more week left of my maternity leave. Geesh where has all the time gone? I can’t believe 11 weeks have already passed. One of my co-workers recently asked me what I thought about motherhood so far and how I was adapting to being a mommy. I had to think about that one for a bit. I think at times I’m still getting used to being a mother. Heck, I’m still getting used to be being married!!! I’m still not really used to calling P my husband so you know how awkward referring to myself as mommy must be.
Baby K is sitting on the sofa, propped up on a few pillows just chillaxin right now. She woke up about an hour ago and isn’t hungry yet so she’s pretty content just looking around. This usually last a few minutes and then she gets bored. I’m amazed at how she’s grown in this short time. She is so much more interested in her surroundings (now taht she can see, ha) and she’s pretty good at holding her head up to look all around. The girl is not patient and gets bored failry quickly….this I must say she gets from me. She’s also “talking” a bit to us. She’ll make little noises to get our attention. We put her in her playpen so she can play with her bears. These are the little bears on her mobile. She really liked just looking up at them and kicking her feet. This keeps her entertained for a good 15 minutes. THose precious 15 minutes gives me enough time to run to the bathroom, get a drink or a snack and grab whatever essentials I need. When her mobile, which is a wind up, stops spinning and the music stops, she’ll often coo to let us know. “Helloooooo! These darn bears have stopped dancing.”
We were watching Knocked up for the 50th time last night, just cause it was on TV, and I asked P if things would feel different if we decided not to get married before K came along. He said that it would be different. That we would feel quite like a family. Being the progressive woman that I am, I didn’t think it was necessary to get married just cause we were expecting a lil one but I’m also glad that we did. I also agree that being married does bond us together more. Some people say its not important, that its just a piece of paper and that things wouldn’t be any different. True, our day to day probably would be pretty much the same, but its the underlying dedication and commitment that we’ve made to each other. Saying, “Hi, this is my husband,” and “Hi, this is my baby daddy,” just don’t have the same ring to it. Hee hee.
So with one week left, I wanted to soak up every moment I could with K. I think I might spoil her a bit this week and let her skip a few naps in her crib just so I can hold her and look at her when she’s napping. I already get a bit teary when I think about not being with her. I know that will pass and I’ll be happy to be back in the swing of things but I already warned my team at work that if I get all red eyed and weepy to just ignore me for a few minutes, hee hee.
Independence day has always had a special meaning to me. Aside from it being our nations birthday, about 9 years ago it also meant the start of a new me. My life changed dramatically when I ended my relationship with my college boyfriend. At that point in my life, it was the hardest thing that I had ever done but with the help of good friends I came out of it virtually unscathed. I was just telling P last night that I like who I was after the break-up so much better than who I was before. Essentially I was still the same person but my outlook was changed.
One year ago, P and I spent the holiday with a picnic the day before with Eric and Lev and then a BBQ at my place. So much has changed in one year. I’d day that in many ways I can’t be that independent when I have a little one so dependent on me. But in a sense I am more independent too. I think mommyhood has made me a bit mroe trusting my my instinct. I still ask my mommy friends tons of questions and for their advice on things but overall moms trust their gut instincts when it comes to their little ones.
So I can’t just disappear for hours and do my own thing right now but independence has taken on a new meaning for me. I’m starting to feel more secure in my abilities to care for K and to recognize what it is that she needs. Yes, just as we are getting the hang of things, its time for me to return to work. Ugh!
When I was pregnant my food preferences changed almost daily and there was so much that I didn’t like. This led to eating out and bringing home take out almost daily. I don’t think I cooked more than 5 meals the entire time. I couldn’t stand to handle a lot of the meats and the smells would be a huge turn off. Now that I’m pretty much back to “normal” (normal is a loose term here cause just how normal am I? haha), I’ve been cooking more and trying to eat on the healthy side. Its hard to cook and shop with baby but since P is home early most days, this gives me time. We’ve cut down the carry out to just once a week and I’m so proud of us! hee hee. The whole family put on weight with the baby and now we’ve gotta cut down. Even Heidi! Remember my filet o fish cravings!! Madness! I haven’t had one since the baby joined us. I can’t believe I was eating several a week. I know I was talking about them all the time and driving a lot of you guys to McDonalds too, hee hee.
I love using the crock pot and I recently tried Jean’s cream cheese chicken recipe. I’m getting ready to try her mexican cornbread casserole recipe next week. Yumm. We also grill out a lot and I know hot dogs aren’t particularly healthy…..but darn it, they taste so darn good grilled.
I haven’t been able to bake as often as I’d like to. I wanted to make green tea cupcakes for our BBQ this weekend but I haven’t been able to procure the green tea powder that I need. I also have a chocolate chip zuchini bread recipe that I want to try out. No cookies or cakes cause I think I’ll end up eating them.
I’m not sure how going back to work and our hectic schedules around the baby will change our cooking and eating out habits but I’m hoping that I get a few easy and fast recipes under my belt. Its too easy to just order something or pick up a pizza on the way home. Very yummy but $$ and not that healthy. Perhaps I’ll do what a lot of moms do, prepare a bunch of stuff over the weekend and then portion them out and freeze it all. I know its ok to leave the crockpot going but it makes me paranoid and I’m afriad that I’ll come home and the house is burned down. Oops, must be that chicken I was slow cooking!
So if you guys have any healthy and simple recipes, please send them my way! Thanks and have a great long weekend!
Lil K had her two month check up yesterday. P had the day off so we were able to go together. The lil dumpling is now 11 lbs 1 ounce and measured 22.5 inches. She’s grown quite a bit! She was such a good baby during the check up and she didn’t fuss or cry at all….well that is until the dreaded shots. She had one oral vaccine for the rotavirus and then two shots. She barely winced at the first one but shrieked at the second one. The nurse warned that the second shot is much more painful cause all the babies start screaming with that one. I had P hold her down for the shots cause I couldn’t stand to see her being poked. Poor baby!
She cried for just a bit and was ok. She’s a tough lil girl. When we took her home she slept a lot for the next few hours. I had an appointment to get my hair cut (finally!) so I left for a bit. When I got home P said she slept almost the whole time and hadn’t been hungry. She woke up shortly after I got home and I fed her. She was a bit fussy and cranky and we chalked it up to her probably not feeling that great after the shots.
I would never not vaccinate my kid (or even my dog) because I think the benefits outweight the risks but I do worry what if my kid is that small percentage that has an awful reaction to the shots. I can’t stand to see her in any kind of discomfort. We gave her a lil Tylenol last night because she seemed a little warm and when I went to feed her around 4 AM, she seemed fine. She are well and then went back to sleep. She was wiggling around early but is still asleep now.
I only have two and a half more weeks at home with her. Where has all the time gone? I have never been out of work for this long and I know in those first few days home from the hospital, the days seemed to drag. I wanted her to grow and to be less fragile and now at almost 10 weeks she’s definitly sturdier and I already miss the teeny tiny baby days. We look at the pictures and videos we have of her and she looks so different. Wow, how babies change almost daily at this stage.
As for me, I’ve gotten used to less sleep and less time for myself, hee hee. In my mission to fit into my old pants…I seriously can’t fit into anything that doesn’t have an elastic waist, I’ve started to watch what I eat and I’m running again. I’m almost up to two miles now and even though I enjoy running, at least when I don’t think I’m going to die or fall over into a sweaty heap on the side of the road, its been hard. Each step seems to hurt a bit more than it did pre baby. I know I have virtually no muscles right now and that has got to contribute to how hard its been but it does feel good after each run. I get such a sense of accomplishment. P and I usually have to take turns going out to run cause someone needs to be home with the baby. My mom is coming by from time to time and we’ve been able to go out a few times together to run. I definitely run better when I’m with P cause I don’t want to look like a huge wimp and give up. I end up running longer with him.
Oh and I seriously hate the pouch tummy that is left over from my baby belly. I don’t expect to bounce back and have a flat tummy but its really annoying. It just hangs there all mushy and poofed out. I still feel a little numb right around the C-section incision which adds to the wierdness of it all.
Ok, I really need to be able to fit into my pants when I return to work or else I’ll have nothing to wear. I don’t think it would be appropriate to wear my cropped sweats and stretchy pants to work. Oh and I haven’t worn heels in forever too. Flip flops and stretchy pants….what a lovely sight, haha.
Everyone in the house is asleep but me. Even Heidi is napping on her pillow by the window. K is napping in her swing and P on the sofa. I’m the only one awake. Why can’t I sleep?!!! I’m an awful napper. I can’t seem to fall asleep during the day and I sure can use a nice nap. I would just lie there and think about what I need to do or I’m tempted to watch what’s on TV. P says I should turn the TV off when I try to nap but then its too quiet for me, hee hee.
Its a bit grey outside so its perfect lounging weather and we don’t have any plans but to hit the Wegmans for some groceries. Ahhh a nice lazy Sunday. Hee hee once again as soon as I start blogging, the baby wakes. She just did a huge stretch in her wing and it now looking at me to go play with her. Ha!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
I love this time of day….almost as much as the first few minutes after I climb into bed at night….ahhhh, peace. This is the time of day when I’ve gotten all my personal morning tasks done….showering, pumping, finding some article of clothing that will fit me, all the bottles cleaned and prepared. Sometimes its a mad dash to get everything done before she wakes up. This is when I have a few peaceful moments to myself before K wakes up.
As much as I sometimes dread the dinosaur like sounds she makes when she starts to stir echo in the baby monitor, I do very much look forward to starting our day together. I laugh as I reach to pick her up out of her crib and more often than not she’s still mid stretch, hands above her head and tushie sticking out, when I pick her up.
Ahhh, just as I’m typing this, I hear the lil bug waking up…..so much for a brief moment of peace 
As I’m typing this post, I’m watching K on the baby monitor. I just put her down for a nap and I left her awake in her crib with her mobile on. She was peacefully looking at the shapes in her mobile twirl above her. She just recently started to be able to see things better and is more interested in things. She loves the little bears in the mobile in her pack and play. Uh oh, she just went from being peaceful to being annoyed at her mobile. There’s a lil melody playing along with the twirling perhaps that is starting to get on her baby nerves, hee hee. She has been pretty good about taking a nap in her crib every afternoon and I was telling my cousin that I was so proud of getting her to do that. It felt like a giant accomplishment, perhaps even more so than graduating college or getting a job. I was high fiving myself and patting myself on the back all day. hee hee.
Ok, she had enough of the lullabies and I had to go up and turn the mobile off. She dozing right now. I’ve learned that lil K is a great actor. She cries to let us know when she’s hungry, tired, uncomfortable or wants to be held. She also fake cries. Those are the faint little cries that never progress into a full blown cry and are more for attention. Its her diva cry. She also has perfected the lower lip sad face. It tugs at our hearts and makes us laugh but also accomplishes what K wants, for us to go and pick her up because she’s ohhhh soooo sad. Hee hee.
Our latest challenge is that lil K is now refusing to eat out of a bottle. P was taking over the first night time feeding with a bottle for tha past few weeks now and we’ve fed her twice when we went out to dinner. Just this week she has decided that she hates the bottle and there could be nothing more insulting that for us to bring a bottle anywhere close to her. Her sight has improved so now the sheer sight of a bottle coming towards her as her wiggling and flailing her arms to hit that bottle away. If we dare to put the nipple of the bottle in or around her mouth, she starts to whimper and then break down into a full blown tantrum. NO BOTTLE! Well, this is not good considering I have to do all the feedings now and what is she going to do when I go back to work? I’ve read a bunch of things online and talked the lactation consultant at our pediatrician’s office and we’ve tried everything…different nipples, different people feeding her, feeding her in different places, etc etc. Nothing works. I tricked her into taking a few sucks when she was sleeping one time and while I was breast feeding. She sucked a few times, noticed the difference and proceeded to give me the dirtiest look ever! Ack! SORRY!
She’s now eight weeks old and she’s more fun every day. Sucks cause I go back to work in 4 weeks. On one hand I can’t wait for the adult interaction and to go back to a routine of sorts but the thought of not being with her makes me so teary. I know that will go away eventually. Oh speaking of teary….I don’t know what happened after becoming a mommy but I cry all the time. Commercials, movies, Oprah (well, that’s to be expected), books, a beam of sunshine on a newly bloomed flower…whatever it is…makes me tear up. I used to never cry in movies no matter how sad or how many puppies were involved and look at me now. What the…
Oh and here’s another way K let’s us know what she’s thinking…
Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend. Happy Father’s day to all the daddies out there!
Little K is already 7 weeks old and I really don’t know where all the time has gone. I’m already more than halfway through my maternity leave and the thought of leaving her all day already makes me want to cry. It will help that my mom will be watching her for a bit before she goes to daycare full time. At least I can ease back into work without having to worry about her.
I’m typing this post as she’s taking her first nap in her crib. She was getting spoiled napping in my arms. We put her in her swing at times too and she naps there quite well but Jean made a really important comment today saying that we don’t want her to get used to falling asleep to the motion. True dat! Also, is it just me or do yu guys also worry that sitting in the swing for too long will make her dizzy? So far she’s been sleeping soundly for over 20 minutes so I consider that a great success. I’m stealing these precious moments to blog to you guys.
P’s mom has been visiting for the past two weeks and is leaving tomorrow. I’m glad that she’s been able to get spend time with K and to get to know her a bit. Just this past week K had been getting to be more interactive. She follows objects and will look when you talk to her. My favorite times with her is in the morning when she’s just eaten and has slept well. She’s usually so happy and will smile and laugh when I talk to her. I sit her up against my pillow and just babble with her. I know moments like these will be tougher when I’m working and scambling to get her and me ready in the mornings.
I have plans for us next week! I’ll be on my own and I haven’t gone out with her (in a car) alone yet. I’ve taken walks with her and we’ve gone to the grocery store but that’s it. I have several little errands that I”m saving for next week when its just the two of us. One big errand is trying to figure out what to get P for his first father’s day. Any suggestions? I ordered him a Fudgie the whale cake from Carvel, his favorite.
Other than the cake, I can’t think of what to get him. So K and I will have to do some shopping next week.
I seriously need to get back to running too. I am a long ways from fitting into my jeans. Boo! I went for my first run this week and I tried to ease back into it by walking and running really slowly, trying to push myself too hard. I could feel the area around my scar tense up a bit but overall it wasn’t too bad. I couldn’t walk for the next two days but at least I know I worked my muscles a bit. I’m trying not to buy new clothes too so I have motivation to work out. Its hard though cause I run better with P and its hard for both of us to be out running, we would have to find someone to watch K for a bit. Grandma to the rescue!
Since I spend a lot of my days staring out the window when I’m feeding K, I’ve become the neighborhood old lady that knows the comings and goings of everyone. The lady across the street is in her 50’s, I think, and is separated from her husband. She lives alone but rents a room out to the cleaning lady. The cleaning lady babysits for a family in the neighborhood and also cleans several houses. Well, about two weeks ago I noticed several police cars parked outside her house. No sirens or flashing lights so it didn’t appear to be an emergency. P said later he saw an abulance too. We were wondering what happened and started to fabricate all sorts of tales. Maybe the cleaning lady got into a car accident cause she’s the worse driver we know. Maybe there was a break-in. We then saw several cars parked outside her house and continued to be parked there for several days. Looked like she had lots of company in ther otherwise quiet house.
Well, another nosy neighbor emailed and told P that the lady’s estranged husband had committed suicide and he’s not 100% sure but he thinks he did it in her house. She found his note and then him. We later found out that it was true that her husband had taken his life but we’re still not sure if it happened across the street or at some other location.
This must be what retired people and housewives do at home all day long. It was the most drama I’ve seen (minus my TV addiction the real housewives) in a long time.
The weather looks beautiful at the moment and we’re taking P’s mom out for Korean food at Yechon tonight. Yummy! I’m already planning out what I’m going to order….tofu sondubo, seafood pancakes, bimbimbop…..
Have a great weekend everyone! Miss you all!
I try to get out of the house, by myself, once a day. It hasn’t happened every day but I do make it out several tims a week. It might be a quick trip to the grocery store, Target or just for a quick walk around the clock with Heidi….whatever it is, it helps me stay sane. I love my little girl more than anything but I do need time to myself, alone!
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and as I sat in the waiting room I thought how funny it was that a trip to the doctor’s, which is usually a chore, is now a welcomed outing. I am getting together tonight with girls from my old book club. One of the girls I’ve known since intermediate school and college although we didn’t really becoe close friends till we ended up at the same job after college. I haven’t seen her in at least two or three years. I’m so looking forward to a few hours out of the house in the company of girl friends.
Breastfeeding has to be the more humbling experience ever. Not only is it challenging physically it also ties you to the baby. She needs to eat every two hours during the day so that seriously hinders where I can go and for how long. Yes, its two hours from when she starts to eat. Ack!
The lil girl is now sleeping in her crib in her own room this week and its helped all of us sleep better. She can go three to four hours between feedings at night so I’ve been able to sleep more. P handles the first feeding around 2 or 3 am so that allows me to sleep till K wakes up for her early morning meal anytime from 5am to 7am. I still can’t really nap during the day. Its hard for me to fall asleep.
After K gets her shots at her two month appointment, I’ll feel more comfortable taking her out. We’ve already made trips to Target, the park, etc but being in smaller closed in places with lots of people still has be a bit antsy. Shhhh, I haven’t told my overprotective mom that I’ve taken K out to so many places. She thinks we should both just stay home till she’s had her shots. That’s nuts. She was freaking out when I drove to my two week appointment cause she thought that I couldn’t drive so soon after a C-section.
Okie, I hear the lil peanut stirring from her nap so I’ve gotta run. Type to ya later!
